NK & The Word: Learning, Teaching, Resting

I've been interested in North Korea for a long time--at least 10 years, or since 2004 when I first went to the DMZ and started reading up on the country. Since moving to South Korea in 2008, I've continued to learn about the North and have had a few opportunities to get to know North Koreans. However, things had started to feel a little dry--tutoring fizzled out and volunteering for an NGO never got off the ground. But recently God has given me several exciting new opportunities to learn more and even get involved in sharing His heart with North Koreans.

A couple months ago, my friend Dawn invited me to tag along on a Bible study our pastor was leading at Yeomyung School, an alternative, secondary school for North Korean refugees. I was pretty excited, because I had actually inquired about teaching at that school a couple years ago when I was job-hunting (but they weren't hiring). It's absolutely amazing to me that God brought me back around to that same school, but in a different (and I think better :)) capacity than I had originally intended. It goes to show that God's ways are higher than our ways and He desires to bless us. Anyway, after observing two of Pastor Steve's Bible lessons, he asked me to step in for him while he went to the U.S. for two months, which brings me to where I am now.

The first week I was so nervous and felt really inadequate to teach about doctrine. We're starting out with the very basics--the Bible is God's Word, God is eternal, God is a Trinity, God is different from man, etc. But still, I had never led a Bible study for new Christians or unbelievers, or to people coming from such a different place, both culturally and spiritually. I felt totally out of my league. I'm thankful that my church brother Petros has been able to join me, help out, advise, and encourage me along the way.

Coffee with Petros at Bliss & Bless, a cafe in Myeongdong run by North Korean refugees, some who are graduates of Yeomyung School

Around the same time I got involved in the Bible study at Yeomyung, my friend Dawn (she introduces me to a lot of good things :)) sent me a text with a picture of a brochure she'd come across. It was for the International Mission School for North Korea (IMS4NK), a series of eight Saturday lectures related to North Korea and aimed at Christian foreigners in South Korea who want to learn more about what God's doing and ways to get involved. I signed up, of course, and it's been everything I hoped it would be and more. It's been so encouraging to learn about what God is up to, and also to simply gather with other Christians from around the city (and ultimately, the world), united by faith and by our common concern for the people of North Korea.

The sessions start with 30 minutes of praise and worship interspersed with prayer, followed by a 90-minute lecture, and then dinner for whoever's interested. Last week's speaker was Ben Torrey, son of the founder of Jesus Abbey, where I went for spring break last year with Kaia. It was a special blessing to have dinner with him and his wife Liz, who (I couldn't believe it) remembered meeting me at the Abbey last year. Their friend, who is a missionary for OMF, sat across from me and gave me a 31-day prayer book for North Korea. This morning, I made a last-minute decision to shove the prayer book into my bag before dashing out the door to Yeomyung School. On the subway, I pulled it out and opened to today's reading. Lo and behold, today's article was about Yeomyung School! What a blessing! I was so excited to show that book to my students at Yeomyung and to encourage them with the fact that people around the world were lifting up their school in prayer this very day! They were impressed, and I knew it was God who ordained the timing and led me to take the book along. So cool!

From OMF's prayer booklet for North Korea

The students at Yeomyung are exceptionally resilient, positive, and open to learning new things. And every week, their hearts and minds are a little more open to me and the message I bring. Please pray for God to enlarge my heart for them and to "establish the work of my hands" (Psalm 90:17 has come up a couple times this week). God also used Isaiah 55:10-11 to deeply encourage me as I prepared this week's lesson:

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

It's not me that does anything. God does it all! In our spiritual life, from the seed to the bread, from the rain to the bud to the bloom, God's Word does it all. And it does! His Word accomplishes and achieves its intended purpose. What a relief it is to rest in this promise, to know that the fates of these young students' spiritual growth and transformation does not depend on me having just the right words or the perfect lesson plan. God's Word is seed for the sower and bread for the eater, and God's Word will accomplish what God desires and will achieve the purpose for which God sent it. Please join me in claiming this promise by faith as you pray for the students and teachers at Yeomyung School. Pray also for the students as they take tests and prepare to enter college. Every week when I ask for their prayer requests, these are their most common concerns.

Overview of the Past Month

 

Easter marked the end of Lent and the end of my Facebook fast. I didn't understand what the fast had meant to me until Easter Sunday, when I realized I didn't want Facebook back in my life. I had discovered what it was to live free of status updates and my newsfeed, and I loathed the thought of it taking up residence in my mind again. I no longer feared or dreaded the thought of giving it up; I was eager to give it up. And suddenly, I knew--really knew in my heart--what the cross means to us who are only too eager to throw off our flesh and live by the Spirit. The crucifixion is not something to drag our feet to reluctantly, regretting the death of our flesh (our old man). It is a gift to be embraced with gladness, for we realize that in it, we find ourselves finally free from the fetters of our flesh, free to live the Christ life. This was my realization on Easter Sunday, that my self crucified with Christ is not a death to be resisted but embraced, just as I no longer dreaded but desired to live free from Facebook. And then, get this, Monday morning's devotion from The Green Letters was on this very subject:

The believer's Cross is the Cross of Calvary, the Cross on which he was crucified with Christ (Gal. 2:20). There the eternal emancipation proclamation was signed with the blood of the Lamb, and sealed by the Spirit of God. Every believer is thereby freed from all bondage, but every believer is not aware of the liberating truth. Sad to say, the only believers who are interested in freedom are those who have come to the place of hating instead of hugging their chains. . .We will be ready to take up our Cross when self becomes intolerable to us, when we begin to hate our life--"and hate not...his own life...cannot be my disciple" (Luke 14:26). The deep burden of self and hunger to be like Him cause the function of the Cross--crucifixion--to become attractive. The long devastating years of abject bondage make freedom in the Lord Jesus priceless--the cost becomes as nothing to us! . . . Yes we begin to glory in the Cross, our very own freedom from all that enslaves, from all that would keep us from fellowship with our risen Lord. So we begin to take up our Cross, our liberation, our personal finished work held in trust for us so long and patiently by the Holy Spirit. . . And here is how we take up and bear our Cross: finally prepared by our needs, aware that our bondage was broken in Christ on Calvary, we definitely begin to rely on that finished work--we appropriate. Our attitude becomes: I gladly and willingly take, by faith in the facts, my finished work of emancipation that was established at Calvary; I consider myself to be dead to sin, and alive to God in Christ. This is taking up one's Cross. As we learn to do this, we begin to find these facts true in experience. The Holy Spirit brings that finished work of death and applies it to all of the old nature, which is thus held in the place of death--the death of Calvary. If and when we turn from the facts and begin to rely on anything or anyone else, including ourselves, self is released from the Cross--active and enslaving as ever. Through this process we are patiently taught to walk by faith, to maintain our attitude of reliance on the finished work of the Cross. (p.54-56)

While I learned a wonderful spiritual truth, I regret that contrary to my ideals, I've started using Facebook quite a lot again. As one of my friends duly noted: abstinence is a lot easier than self-control. I know the answer is in the Cross, in letting God strip away my fear of obscurity, my desire for human affirmation, my craving for cheap connections that cost me a few clicks here and there, and instead embracing the peace, restfulness, and clarity of living day by day, in one time zone, connecting with the people around me, doing things for the mere joy of it instead of anticipating a 'like' or comment when I post about it on Facebook. Not that it's impossible for you or me to use Facebook well--just that I personally find it challenging. But because of its advantages, I'll give myself a little longer before giving up completely.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A couple days after Easter, I celebrated my 28th birthday. I've already been 29 in Korea for several months, so I'm easily confused about my age. When the lady at the bakery asked how many candles I wanted for my cake, I couldn't remember how old I was, so I just told her a random number and then counted up from '86 to see if I was right. I wasn't. :-P Anyway, my family, community, friends, and students blew me away with their sacrificial love to make the day special. I had my main birthday dinner a few days early at my Korean parents' house with 15 or so guests. My Korean mom cooked all day to prepare the most extravagant dinner I've ever laid eyes on. It was an unforgettable night. On my actual birthday, co-teachers Michael and Heather, made homemade pizza at the office--only the second time we've had homemade pizza here in 2 years! That was really special, and Karen made my mom's chocolate cake to go with it. Yum! My students also made me feel so loved--from the ones who brought fancy cakes, to the ones who'd obviously spent their own allowance money on donuts, McDonald's, and ice cream. And the homemade gifts from my dear community friends were the icing on the cake--a commonplace book filled with inspiring quotes in Kate's neat handwriting, a scrapbook made by Minji, and a poster by Karen that affirms who I am in Christ (and who I am in the flesh, too, since she mentioned my love of choco-pies... or is it Christ in me who loves them?). :-)

Me and my four little ahjummas

They know I love McDonald's!

Labors of love



Precious words of grace from a friend who knows my faults

The pictures from my birthday dinner won't upload here for some reason, but you can find them on Facebook. . .typical. ;-)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now that the weather is warm and it's staying lighter longer, I've enjoyed playing basketball with my students a few evenings after work. We also had a really fun group games day at the Han River. Working with elementary kids (and my one middle schooler, too) is just so much fun. There are stories to tell after nearly every class about something funny one of them did. The best story from last month was when one student asked to go to the bathroom at the beginning of class. He still hadn't come back after 10 minutes, so I went out and asked the grammar teacher if she'd seen him. She said that he'd gone to the bathroom to go #2, but that after he was done he realized there wasn't any toilet paper in the stall. He didn't know what to do, so he called his mom on his cell phone to ask her to call the Connexus front desk so the secretary could bring him some toilet paper. So resourceful! I'm sure in my old age, my face will be creased with laugh wrinkles, thanks to these kids. :)

Obstacle course

Please don't miss my two 4th-graders in the foreground, avoiding all physical contact as they make a bridge for the other boy to run under. Hilarious!

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Well, as good as my birthday was and as much as I enjoy my job, the best part of the past month was a peace & justice learning tour in Hiroshima, Japan. Seven of us from Connexus and the Korea Peacebuilding Institute flew over on Wednesday, spent one night at the World Friendship Center, three nights with host families, and came back Sunday afternoon. At the World Friendship Center, we heard an a-bomb survivor's story and plea for nuclear disarmament, and I was especially moved by the Peace Choir's song of condolence for the victims of the Sewolho ferry accident in Korea. On Thursday we toured Peace Park and Miyajima Island, and on Friday we visited the A-Bomb Museum and Hiroshima Flower Festival.

Seoh-san, an elderly gentleman who volunteers at the World Friendship Center, showed us around the musuem. At the time the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima, he was located behind a hill 3km from the hypocenter, which allowed him to survive without burns. However, his father, who had been in the city center, died 6 days later due to complications, his mother developed breast cancer, and his brother developed liver cancer, due to the radiation effects. He himself struggles with memory loss as a result of some brain problems (tumors, perhaps), which are suspected to be an after-effect of the bomb. When he finished guiding us around, I recounted his long list of losses from the atomic bomb and asked, "Don't you feel any resentment toward the U.S. for doing this?" He shook his head emphatically and seemed to brush my question right aside, as I lost control of my tears. "I just look to the future," he declared, and his warm smile and gracious spirit were sure evidence. I thought of the potential such a posture could have in my own life, as I choose to dwell on the past or look to the future, where it concerns offenses against me. If Seoh-san could live without bitterness, looking to the future, surely Christ in me can do the same.

L-R: Me, Kate, Seoh-san, Michael, Heather

Another highlight of the trip was getting to know my delightful host family. Chizuko-san, the wife, is 73, and her 84-year-old husband is the president of a university. They are very young at heart! Chizuko-san reminded me so much of my late grandmother, and so I was doubly blessed to spend time with her. She is so gracious and positive, laughs easily, is humble and warm, and at the same time elegant and refined. She encouraged Minji (my roommate) and I to come visit them again anytime, and to bring our friends. So let me know if you want to go to Hiroshima--I can't wait to go back!

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In the week since I came back from Japan, there have also been a lot of highlights. On Tuesday night, my Korean mom and dad came over for dinner. Our community pulled together a potluck to celebrate 어버이날, or Parents' Day. And I pulled my first all-nighter since college, making a scrapbook of our 5 years together. The result was more satisfying than any research paper I pulled all-nighters for in college. ;-) I am so thankful--and so, SO blessed--by their faithful love and support. Our whole community is nurtured by their generosity.

Now the weekend's here and I find myself busier than ever. I started Saturday Korean classes again this morning, after a month's vacation between semesters. And tonight I attended my first session of the International Mission School for North Korea (IMF4NK), an 8-session course sponsored by a church in Seoul. Every Saturday evening until the end of June, there will be special lectures related to North Korea and introducing ways to get involved.

This month I started attending a Bible study that my pastor leads at a school for North Korean refugees, and now that he is on vacation in the U.S. for 2 months, I'll be the one in charge of leading it. I feel very out of my league, but I keep reminding myself that God uses the weak to lead the strong, and His grace is sufficient for my weakness. It's really neat because I inquired about teaching English at this particular school two years ago, but they didn't need any more English teachers then. Instead, God led me to Connexus and my new church, green pastures where he renewed and restored me and led me to grow spiritually. And THEN he led me right back to that school and opened the door for me to be involved in a Bible study there, the very kind of spiritual work I would've wanted to do in the first place (more than just teaching English). God is the master strategist, or as Karen said yesterday, the master Tetris player. I'm excited to see how His plan keeps unfolding.

Now it's 3AM, time to hit the sack before our staff retreat tomorrow. Never a dull moment around here! Thanks for reading!
 

"Camp 14" and letter to a Precious Soul

Today I attended a screening of the documentary "Camp 14: Total Control Zone," the story of Shin Dong-hyuk's life growing up in a North Korean prison camp, his unlikely escape, and his ultimate defection to and life in South Korea. (Watch it on youtube here!) If you've read the book Escape from Camp 14, the details of the story won't surprise you. But seeing his face as he tells it--through an interview that seems at times painfully persistent, with long pauses of pregnant silence, uncomfortable shifting, and unwanted remembering--is so much more personal than reading the book. I found myself nodding my head as if he were actually talking to me. In fact, seeing him struggle through the interview made me feel a bit guilty as a "consumer" of his story, someone who reads or hears a story, feels an emotional response for a few days or weeks, and then puts it on the shelf and starts a new story--like food going in and out of my digestive tract without my body absorbing the nutrients. To do such an interview, I'm sure his intention, as well as the intentions of the other two men interviewed--a former policeman and a guard at a prison camp--was not to elicit isolated cases of sympathy or compassion, but to educate, prepare, and lead us to work together for social change and advocacy. However, watching the interviews, my heart was stirred not so much for the people in North Korea, dire as their circumstances are, but for the defectors who, while living in political and physical freedom, are still in spiritual and psychological bondage.


I can't tell you the burden I felt as I watched Shin Dong-hyuk and the other two men reflect on their roles as victim and offender and sometimes what seemed to be a grey area in-between. One man mentions his fear of reunification, of someday running into the people he tortured. He didn't want to do the interview, but he knew if he didn't, others would. He says he'll never talk about it again after the interview's done. The other man seems more settled down in a way, but he lives with the burden of someday having to tell his young son the truth about his past. Both men seem anxious and insecure, laughing uneasily, sitting uncomfortably, visibly troubled and, I would add, tethered to their past like prisoners bound by ball-and-chain. Shin Dong-hyuk was in no better a condition, from my perspective. The past still haunts him in nightmares and daydreams, and you can see in his eyes a cloud of gloom hanging over him. He is still filled with shame, confusion, and, he says himself, anger. But what burdened me most was the three men's ignorance of truth, sweet truth, as outlined by God in the Bible: of atonement, salvation, and resurrection in Jesus.

Toward the end of the movie, Shin Dong-hyuk says that when reunification happens, he wants to be the first to move back to North Korea. He wants to live in the camp, in the little house where he was born, grow a garden, and live off the fruits of the ground. I was rather astonished. Move back to the camp? To the place of unspeakable pain and suffering? He says that while his body lives in South Korea, his mind is in the camp. Asked what he misses about the camp, he says, "I miss the innocence of my heart. . . I miss the purity of my heart."

I couldn't help but pray for him as I watched the interview. If I could speak to him--to any of the three men, actually--this is what I'd want to say...

********************************************************************************

Oh, Precious Soul, so loved, so wounded,
That you would know how to regain that innocence and purity which you seek. That you would know the truth, and the truth would set you free! The truth is, you did lose your innocence, but you lost it before you were born. You lost it when Adam sinned. Through him, we all became corrupt (Rom.10:23). Your sinfulness is in your very nature. You're right that you can't find your innocence in South Korea. But you can't find it in North Korea, either. You can't find your innocence in the camp, nor in the little house where you were born, nor in a garden plot up to your elbows in vegetables. But don't be dismayed, Precious Soul--there is Good News for you! You can find all you need in Jesus. "For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ all shall be made alive" (1 Cor. 15:22). In Him, there is love, forgiveness, mercy, healing, and eternal, abundant, resurrection life. While you were still a sinner, Christ died for you (Romans 5:8), paying the price for all of your sin--past, present, and future. When He died, atonement was made for your sin, that you might be reconciled to God through Christ (Romans 8:10-11). For the promise stands: "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). Through faith, your "old self"--your sinful nature--is crucified with Christ (Gal.2:20). "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new" (2 Cor. 5:17). There is no doing--only believing and receiving what Christ has done for you (John 6:29, Eph. 2:8-9). In your old man, regardless of your day to day "success" or "failure" (experience), positionally you are a sinner. In your new man, regardless of your day to day "success" or "failure" (again, experience), positionally you are seated at the right hand of God, for your new life is hidden in Christ (Col. 3:1-3). That purity which you seek? I believe that desire is from God. And the frustration and despair that grip you? Is God not using them to draw you toward Him, to lead you to the end of yourself, that you might finally seize your striving and collapse into His nail-pierced hands, which are your healing (Isa. 53:5)? Precious Soul, Christ died for you, that you might have life. Hear what he says: "The thief [Satan] does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly" (John 10:10). Let Satan steal no more. By faith in Jesus Christ, receive God's gift of salvation and eternal life today (John 3:16). And let it be known that God loves you! For it says, "In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitation for our sins" (1 John 4:9-10)

"Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore you on Christ's behalf, be reconciled to God. For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him" (2 Cor. 5:20-21)

Fundraiser for Jail, and CO's in Korea

Last night, I attended a fundraiser event for Sangmin, a friend of our community who will be sentenced to jail this week after his trial on Wednesday morning. For those who haven't followed his story, he is South Korea's first Mennonite conscientious objector (CO), and his choice to refuse military service will cost him 18 months in jail. The prison will provide him with one uniform, 2 bars of soap, a toothbrush, and toothpaste, but the rest is up to him. Furthermore, inmates often pool their money to buy snacks to share, foods like ramen and so on. To "get in with the guys" and avoid being a leech, he'll need some money to contribute. If not, he will risk getting stuck with the so-called "3D" duties: dirty, dangerous, and (this one is debated) demanding/difficult/demeaning. So he anticipates needing $200 a month to foster relationships with his cellmates and have a relatively decent quality of life.

At last night's coffeehouse event, Sangmin's friend sang and played guitar, and then they did a duet followed by a Q&A "talkshow." I was impressed by the turnout and by the celebratory atmosphere. There was joking and laughter and picture-taking. And while this has been a really hard journey for Sangmin, costing him his home and even his parents to some degree, he was in good spirits last night and it was encouraging to see so many people supporting him, in presence at least, if not all in philosophy.

It's interesting... today I met another Korean CO, but he won't spend any time in jail. In fact, the government gave him free choice over whether to do military service or not. He chose not to, because if South and North Korea were to actively go to war (they technically are at war now), he would have to fight against his own brothers, his own blood. You may have caught on by now that he is a defector from North Korea, now living in South Korea. I'd like to go into length about his story, and about the documentary that preceded his Q&A session, in my next blog post. But first, is his military predicament really so different from the Christian's? As Christians, do we not consider ourselves brother and sister to Christians all around the world, not to mention that every person is created in God's image, regardless of religion? Then is our problem not the same as the NK defector's--the possibility that we would have to draw arms against our own brothers and sisters, against our own family? I'm struck by the paradox. South Korea, it's time to join other countries in providing alternatives to military service. How long will you persist in holding 96% of the world's imprisoned CO's?

Spring Update

It's been exactly 5 weeks since I've logged into Facebook or stepped into a McDonald's, and it's been really good for me in several ways. For one, I no longer think in status updates. ;-) Two, I've been reading so much! I finished John Eldredge's Walking With God (excellent--read it!) a few days ago, but I've still got plenty more to keep me occupied. I guess you could say reading has become a newfound hobby, one that was largely diminished by Facebook before. I still prefer non-fiction to fiction, but I'm enjoying a large variety of topics nonetheless: currently health, American history, conversational Korean, theology, and wildflowers.

 The last month has also been busy with hiking, a trip to the coast, a TESOL conference, dinner with students at our staff residence, language exchange, and time spent hanging out with friends. Juhee, Heather, Michael and I went hiking at Dobongsan on the first warm day of spring. I wish I had a nickel for every time a fellow hiker scoffed at Heather's footwear--Chacos, heaven forbid! We spent a good deal of the hike practicing beginner Korean, and this week we started our first "formal" class before work--it's really fun to teach Korean, especially to adults who are so motivated and positive. The hike was a decent challenge, and the view from the top was remarkable, although I didn't capture it well here.

 On March 22, a former Connexus teacher from Canada married a Korean from Gangneung, on the East Sea. So all the staff from Connexus and KOPI (Korean Peacebuilding Institute) piled into several vans and headed east for an overnight retreat. We serenated the bride and groom with a song at the wedding, and then we traveled an hour north to Sokcho, where we had a barbecue and played games Saturday night. Sunday morning, we had devotions and a community-building activity, and then we went to the beach, where I almost lost both my shoes in the ocean (thank goodness for Kaia's and Michael's quick reflexes!).

 

 

Last Saturday, I met Anna and another friend to look at cherry blossoms in Seoul, and then we went hiking with a couple teachers from our Korean class. The weather took a sudden turn for the worse, so our hiking was cut short, but we still got to see many wild azaleas. We used the extra time to refresh ourselves at a jjimjilbang, a public bath and spa. I've been to the public bath many times, but this was my first time to go with another Caucasian. Also my first time to have a friend scrub my back for me, like I've often seen Korean friends do for each other. So that was a heartwarming experience, haha. :-) After showering and sitting in the whirlpools for a little while, we got dressed in the unflattering jjimjilbang uniform (super baggy t-shirt and mom shorts), and spent the next several hours alternating between sweating in the oven room, freezing our bums off in the igloo room, covering our bodies with coarse chunks of salt to remove toxins through sweat, and eating kimbap, ice cream, and shikye. I think all that relaxation made me sleepier than if I'd gone hiking the whole day.

 

 

L-R: Hiking with Andee, Anna, Pei Rin, and Kate; Dawn, after church, in front of forsythia; wild azaleas at Cheongyesan.

Finally, of course, my main work is teaching kids, and I can't tell you how much joy and amusement I get from them. They're just so hilarious, and so stinkin' cute. I love the stuff they come up with--even their squabbles are amusing. But as usual, I enjoy the relational aspect of teaching more than the science of it. I've had a couple chances to share my faith this month, and that's been really special. I hope I'll have another chance with Easter coming up. Last weekend, one of my classes came over for dinner with one of Heather's classes. We had fun playing frisbee, making spaghetti (typical), and teaching the kids to play spoons (the card game). On April Fool's Day, I was too busy with report cards to plan any tricks, but one of my students got me good. He ran into class late, exclaiming how badly he needed to go to the bathroom, so I quickly waved him back out the door to take care of business. When he came back in a few minutes later, I noticed dried blood on his forehead and was concerned he had gotten into a fight at school. He seemed unaware of any injury and quite surprised to feel blood on his head--or so I thought. Then he said, "April Fool's!" and pulled out an eyedropper of fake blood, which he had apparently taken into the bathroom with him. I was oh-so-pleased! The first time a student pranked me! I was so pleased, in fact, that at the end of class I let him put more "blood" on his head and then rushed out to summon Karen's help for my student who had "bashed his head on the table." ;-) Fun times. I'm also grateful for the chance to play basketball with a couple students after work in the evenings. As the weather gets warmer and the days longer, I hope we can do more of that.

 

Some prayer requests to lift up:

• For me to eat of God's manna every day, that I might have wisdom and faith to meet each day's challenges and opportunities.
• For my friends who are unbelievers to be drawn to God, and for my believing friends to walk in freedom and relationship with Jesus, casting off the yoke of legalism and empty religion. Pray that for me, too, actually--I think I'm apt to drift.
• For Sang-min, the first Mennonite conscientious objector (CO) in Korea, who will be escorted to jail at the end of his trial on April 16. (In Korea, there is no alternative service for COs, and it is a crime to refuse military duty.) Sang-min will have a fundraiser this Friday night to raise money for his jail expenses. Pray for him to grow in his faith and relationship with Jesus, and to be a witness to the many Jehovah's Witnesses (also COs) whom he will meet during his year and a half in jail. Pray also for his parents, who cannot accept or understand his decision, that their relationship would be restored in Christ.
• For my upcoming trip to Japan (April 30-May 4) with other Connexus and KOPI staff--that we would glorify God in our unity as a group, in our conversation, in our response to unforeseen situations, and especially in our relationships and interactions with our host families. Pray for God to prepare hearts--both ours and theirs.

Finding Grace and Freedom through Confession

One book I've been getting a lot out of lately is Walking with God, by John Eldredge. I guess you could say I've become pretty skeptical or cynical of "Christian living" books and, maybe out of pride, I didn't expect to get much out of this one. But, oh, how I am learning and being led by the Holy Spirit through it. Eldredge gives a lot of practical tips and personal examples of how we can commune intimately with God in the day to day, and also warns of how the enemy tries to block us from hearing God. This led to some soul-searching and the discovery of some subtle "agreements" I've made with the enemy's lies, agreements that affect the way I approach life and may hinder my ability to hear God's voice. It seems like every other page I'm highlighting something powerfully relevant to my spiritual and practical life. And I'm sure it was the Holy Spirit nudging me through this book that led to my encounter with God today.

I would be lying by omission if I didn't at least mention the extraodinary way God ministered to me this afternoon. After a few years of being in bondage to the "fear of man" over an addiction I've wrestled with, having confessed to God many times but never to another person, God's been laying it on my heart that I need to confess to another person. Last Friday, my friend Dawn, a spirit-filled believer who walks with God in grace and truth, came over for dinner and spent the night. We stayed up till 1:30am, listening to a sermon and discussing it. I felt God pressing me to talk to her, but I just couldn't. My mind was still in conflict much of Saturday. Wasn't it enough to confess to God? Why did I need to tell a person, too? Would God really ask me to do that? Sunday morning on the way to church, as I was riding up the escalator in the subway station, I felt God telling me, Your deliverance will be in your confession. I felt a little distracted and phony in the church service, and after lunch Dawn and I decided to go to a coffeeshop together instead of attending the weekly sermon discussion. The plan was for me to read some books and Dawn to work on her computer, but as the Lord planned it, the coffeeshop was full, so we got our drinks to-go and sat in the park on the finest spring day you can imagine. We chatted for about an hour before Dawn popped the question: Has God been saying anything to you lately? The dreaded moment of opportunity was cracked wide open, and all I could do was wring my hands and say, "Oh, Dawn..." God had clearly orchestrated our unlikely conversation in the park, and this was the time. But where to start? How to say it? And then I told her. I told her how Satan had got a foothold in my life by haunting me with the fear of my sin being found out. I told her how I'd thought of a few friends I'd be willing to share with, but that what I wanted most was to talk to someone who would speak Grace and Truth over me. It was hard and awkward, but it was one of the best moments of my life. Dawn listened just as I hoped she would, registering no shock nor downplaying my sin with well-intentioned excuses designed to comfort me. No, even better. Just as I hoped, she told me who I am in Christ. She told me what Christ did for me. She told me how God sees me. She told me I am not my sin. I am not my flesh. I am not a failure, even when I fail. She told me that God chooses to forget my sin, and she chooses to forget it, too. (It's a lie from the enemy that we can at best forgive but not forget; through the Holy Spirit, we can forget, too!) She told me that God loves me, and she loves me too. And when she embraced me, it was the Body of Christ embracing me. She told me the gospel, indeed the good news (!) of grace. And as she spoke Truth over me, I wept. Right there in the park, with kids riding bikes and jumping rope and parents resting on park benches next to us, I wept until my eyelashes were caked in makeup. How simple it was, and how light my heart felt. I could almost see God smiling at me, patting me on the back and saying, There, that wasn't so bad, was it? We bowed our heads and Dawn prayed for me, and when we stood to go, she said her heart was lighter too, for God had used what she'd learned through her trials to minister to me in mine.

And I hope you'll be comforted, also, because the Word Dawn spoke to me is healing for your soul, too. When you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior, you agree by faith that His blood cleanses you from all sin. He is your righteousness. There is no striving. God came for the sinner. God came for you. God loves sinners. God loves you. And He offers you a new life hidden in Christ.

To sum up a few things I've learned through my encounter with God and His Grace today:

1) A godly friend is invaluable. When you need counsel, seek out a friend who will speak God's Word to you. No human words, no matter how well-intentioned, can compare. (Proverbs 12:26)

2) Don't give the devil a foothold, and don't let him isolate you from other believers. Fear is from the enemy; don't let him manipulate or cripple you with it. (Ephesians 4:26, 1 John 4:17-19)

3) When the Body of Christ is submitted to its Head, it ministers beautifully and powerfully the grace and love of Christ. Give God a chance to love you and lead you into deeper grace through the Body of Christ.

4) God will not force us to do anything; He gives us free will. But paradoxically, when we do what we think is best for us, resisting God's will, we only prolong our suffering. Better to submit to God's will early on.

Seeing Well, Fellowshiping Well

I've been without Facebook for five days now, and I guess I'm getting used to it. The first day I must've checked my phone 50 times for Facebook updates, only to realize again and again that I don't even have the app on my phone anymore. Old habits die hard. Anyway, the break's been good so far. I use email, Skype, and Kakao to communicate with friends and family, and my mind feels less cluttered now that I'm not seeing my every acquaintance's day-to-day life on my newsfeed. The only suffocating feeling I've had so far is from not being able to share pictures from my own day-to-day life. I hope I'll grow more content with that over time. For now, I'll share a few pictures here. :-)

But before I do, I imagine there are some of you who may have lost sleep worrying about my new glasses that were causing me to stumble and have poor depth perception. Well, you can stop your fretting. After two days had passed and my depth perception hadn't improved, I realized I had no choice but to get a professional eye exam (mostly because I couldn't risk hiking until the problem was resolved). So I prayed for God to reveal the mystery of my true prescription to an optometrist and to provide a cheap solution. Guess what the optometrist discovered? The prescription was indeed correct and unchanged from 5 years ago. BUT, the lenses were in backwards! I paid $7 for the eye exam and got the lenses put back in correctly (for free, of course!) at the glasses shop. Now I can see perfectly, and I'm so thankful for clear vision and a simple solution!

This week, I've been enjoying two new books I got in the mail. The first is Bomb, a very well-researched, well-written, true account of "the race to build--and steal--the world's most dangerous weapon" (aka the atomic bomb). It's written for young adults, but it's the perfect level for me. I guess that makes me young, although a guy at church said today that I look more like mid-30s than late 20s. Ha! The other book I've been reading is DK's Japanese Phrase Book. I can't wait to try out some of the expressions on my host family when I go to Hiroshima over spring break.

It's kind of funny, the more I read, the more I want to read. Likewise, the more I hike, the more I want to hike. (I wonder if healthy food could grow on me the same way?) Anyway, one of my goals for this year is to go hiking once a month. Afraid I'd get too busy to go this month, I squeezed in a hike on March 1st. But this afternoon, I was already antsy to go again. My friend Juhee, along with a man who has recently starting attending my church and is very eager to learn more about the Gospel, spontaneously decided to join me. I realized through today's hike how much I take Christian community and fellowship for granted. To me, today was just a normal day. But to my "seeking" friend, it meant the world. I wonder how many people are so parched for fellowship. And I'm reminded of the cost, for it really requires laying down your life--your ambition, self-centeredness, self-glory, free time, money, etc.--to participate in that fellowship and extend it to others. I was struck by my new friend's reflection on the day. Not only was it a so-called special event in his life, but what impressed him most were the simplest acts of caring and sharing together: offering to take the back instead of the lead, encouraging each other up the mountain, chatting over a coffee break, taking pictures. God used the smallest acts of love and inclusion to glorify the Body of Christ. It made me realize that God is using me even when I'm completely unaware of my value or influence. Even when I'm just taking pictures!

 

View from Yongmasan in Seoul

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." -John 13:35

40 Days Facebook-Free

Hi there,

Thanks for stopping by. As you've probably seen on your newsfeed, I'm going "cold turkey" with my facebook habit, de-activating my account until Easter Sunday. Since my sophomore year of college, when I first got a facebook account, I've never been without it for more than a week at a time. I'm honestly curious about how the human psyche can survive without it. ;-) So this is a bit of an experiment, one many people do at this time of year, but the first time for me.

I wonder...

How will I keep in touch with people? Will they remember I exist?

Will I go crazy without a place to share my two cents day and night?

Can I survive without a steady stream of affirmation and attention and 'likes'?

How will I share my life with people far away?

Does posting pictures legitimize an experience for me? or do I find satisfaction in the experience itself?

How will I fill time on the subway? in ten-minute breaks between classes?

What will I do first thing in the morning? last thing before bed?


Without facebook, I'll have a lot more time to read and think and, hopefully, more valuable reflections to share. I expect I'll find God satisfying me and teaching me new and wonderful things about my identity in Him and the sufficiency of His Grace.

I won't be posting links to new blog updates on facebook, because I'm really kinda curious -- what will happen in the absence of self-promotion? So if ever you get  curious, you can stop by this site directly to see if I've posted anything.

And please, dear reader, if I go a week without posting, send someone over to make sure I'm alive and well. After all, if I'm unsure I can mentally handle 40 days without facebook, I'm even more dubious my body can survive that long without McDonald's. ;-)

But now I'm rambling...

Good night, and prayers for a meaningful Lent.

Sarah