Field Trip to Prison

I like to reward myself for reading, hiking, and studying. If I persevere through a long and difficult book or finish a strenuous hike--be it 4 hours or 4 days--I earn a fancy drink at a nice coffee shop. It doesn't sound like much, but it gets better... If I finish a Korean book--or a Korean grammar book, in this case (I make the rules, so I can bend them^^)-- I earn an additional Korean book plus a field trip! :-)

So last night after finishing my Korean grammar book, I reached for the Lonely Planet guidebook and settled on a place to spend my Saturday: prison!

I'd been wanting to visit Seodaemun Historical Prison since last semester when my students were reading "When My Name Was Keoko," a historical fiction story of Japanese colonization of Korea from 1910-1945. During that era, many Korean patriots and freedom fighters were imprisoned, tortured, and executed at Seodaemun Prison. The prison was still in use until 1987, and even after the Korean War, during the rule of despot Park Chung-Hee, activists for democracy were jailed, beaten, and killed there. If it doesn't sound like a pleasant place to visit, you would be right and you would be wrong.

The first thing I noticed upon approaching the high brick wall around the prison was classical music coming from speakers all around the perimeter. With the lawn perfectly manicured and strains of orchestra music drifting about, I had the impression I was strolling through a park. But the museum exhibits and survivors' video testimonies were anything but lighthearted, and the stories of brutality made my throat swell painful with tears held back. On the bright side, nearly all the exhibits had English translations (perfect English, even!), the tour course was well-marked, and the buildings and grounds well-maintained. Take a look?

The Japanese built this tunnel to secretly carry out the dead bodies of prisoners.

One Seodaemun survivor, his face and one hand disfigured from torture sustained during colonization, said he was happy now "because the people of Korea are all happy." Judging from this picture, taken a hundred yards from the old prison, it would seem so.

Ants in My Pants

Went for a walk this evening, thinking I've got to get out of this sedentary lifestyle I've slipped into. It turns chilly fast in the evenings, so I pulled a jacket over my fleece sweater, grabbed my sneakers from the shoe rack, and stepped outside. The gentle breeze and the foggy twilight did wonders for my soul. And yet I found my mind soon busy again with mental checklists: When I get back I have to print copies for tomorrow's lessons, write a journal for Korean class, write that email, and write on the blog if there's time (I ended up working backwards, eek).

And then I shifted to prayer. Just throwing out ideas and questions really. But aloud, of course, which often turns out to be embarrassing when I realize someone's working in the field right next to me. But anyway, tonight's dialogue was something as follows:

God, I'm ready to move on. Not from Korea, but from here. What do you want me to do? Where do you want me to go?

And the Holy Spirit brought to memory this morning's devotion:
Remember what Johanan and the other army leaders asked of Jeremiah: 'Pray that the LORD our God will show us the way we should go and what we should do.' (Jer.42:3) But they had to be obedient to whatever God told them: 'Whether it pleases us or not, we will obey the LORD our God, to whom we are asking you to pray. All will go well with us if we obey him.'" (Jer. 42:6)

Mm, right. OK, God. Then tell me what You want and give me the grace and faith to be obedient. It looks like Desire A is impossible right now. And Desire B has limitless options but I don't know which to pursue. . .And I've got these ants in my pants. This desire to get on with things that is hard to ignore. Couldn't this antsiness be from You? God, if you want me to halt my pursuit of A and B, then take the ants out of my pants and give me peace instead.

Then the Holy Spirit reminded me of the second part of today's meditation:
"If you are willing to go on living in this land, then I will build you up and not tear you down; I will plant you and not pull you up. . .But you...must not disobey the LORD your God and refuse to live in this land. You must not say, 'No, we will go and live in Egypt, where we won't face war any more or hear the call to battle or go hungry. . . If you are determined to go and live in Egypt, then the war that you fear will overtake you, and the hunger you dread will follow you, and you will die there in Egypt." (Jer. 42:10,13-16)

And I realized that antsiness doesn't mean I'm in the wrong place. Johanan, the other army leaders, and the prisoners of war in their charge were desperate to flee from the Babylonians and return to Egypt, and yet that was not God's way. God had a better finale in mind for them than they would find in Egypt, but it required their willingness to go on living in "this land" for a while longer. In fact, if they sought to avoid their present situation by going where the grass was greener, they were essentially choosing their own destruction.

All right, so I get it. My feelings or inclinations are not necessarily reflections of Your will, and sometimes (perhaps more often than not) the way we're supposed to go is counter-intuitive. But God, I keep thinking about time. Four years. Four years here seems like a healthy amount. Not too short, not too long. But five years? Do I want to make a career of it here? No, no I don't. I want to move on, to move forward, to develop my potential more. I've spent the prime of my life here. Before long I'll be thirty. God, can't we get a move on things? Whatever your bigger plan for me is, can't I get started on it now? You know, be efficient?

Without much hesitation, the Lord reminded me of His faithfulness and perfect timing in the past. Specifically, He reminded me of my desire to work with North Korean defectors. I can't remember exactly when that desire precipitated, but it felt like eons before it was realized. And, oh, how impatient I was to just get started already. About this time last year, I met someone involved in helping defectors and he encouraged me to volunteer time teaching them English. When the time felt right, I told him I was ready, but he never got back to me. I told him again, and still no response. Frustrated, I threw up my hands and thought, "Oh, well. I guess this isn't the time afterall." Soon after, he called and explained he'd been out of the country on business, and would I mind tutoring a 15-year-old boy? I've been tutoring Jordan for three months now and it's great how well we get along.

But the thing is, and this is what God reminded me of--had I gotten my heart's desire when I first desired it, I couldn't have enjoyed it at all. It goes without question that I need to use a lot of Korean when I talk to Jordan and his mother. There is absolutely no way I could have enjoyed the same quality of tutoring or relationships with them one or two years ago as I can now. And in God's grace, He didn't make me wait until I was fluent or totally qualified! He just waited until the fruit I desired was ripe for the picking, so I could savor it when sweetest. Had it been up to me, I would've picked too soon and been stuck with a sour fruit. I was reminded to Trust Him.

God wants me to trust His motives, too. When God withholds my desires, He's surely not doing it to drive me crazy. He's probably not even doing it just to build up my endurance (although that's what I often think). As in the example of needing to develop my Korean skills before I could effectively work with North Korean defectors, God is actively working for my good. Rather than dangling a prize just above my head out of arms' reach, is it possible He's building a step stool for me to reach it?

I've started to perceive my present situation as perseverance and patience training. I keep looking at the prize above my head and wondering when the timer will go off, so God will lower the string and let the prize drop into my hand. But God assured me tonight that He's not sitting idly by, playing some waiting game to test my endurance. He is actively engaged in working things out for my good. I can't see the details of how right now, but I can trust Him. I can trust His character. And that's what He wants from me now: to Trust Him.

Buddha's Birthday

Monday was Buddha's birthday, a national holiday, so I enjoyed a day off from school. I decided that after 4 years, it was high time to check out the Buddhist temple and see how the holiday was celebrated.

I hopped on the bus to Bongseonsa, the largest temple in the area, and wedged myself in between the steps and the bus driver's seat. It was standing room only. Bus was definitely the way to go though, as the parking lot was packed and the bumper-to-bumper line of cars around its perimeter was barely creeping along.

The party started before I even reached the entrance. Vendors were making good business from behind their carts of cotton candy, kebab, corn on the cob, corn dogs, even boiled silk worms.

The middle pot is filled with boiled silk worm pupae.

Apparently, Buddha's birthday is a pretty big deal; I imagine the devout and non-devout alike show up to pay their respects, just as Christians turn out on Christmas and Easter Sundays. The mood was like a festival. There were vendors selling ice cream, puffed rice cake, and ddeokbokki. There were ajummeonis dressed in hanbok lined up on either side of the sidewalk to greet and bow to visitors. There were women selling bright red and yellow long-stem roses (for people to place in the temple, if I recall). And there was even a lawn exhibit of religious paintings available for purchase.

But the most glorious scene was inside the temple courtyard, right above my head. There were thousands of festive lotus lanterns, which people had paid up to hundreds of dollars for each, and which bore the wish of the buyer and helped them win favor with Buddha to make that wish come true. It was a sight to behold.

And at the far side of the courtyard, well away from the long line of hungry visitors waiting their turn for a free bowl of bibimbap, was a platform for a dozen or so monks dressed in clay-colored hanbok and next to them a table set with offerings of fruit for Buddha. A large group of women in fancy hanbok sat on the other side and looked like they might be a choir, although I didn't stay long enough to find out.

The only quiet place to be found was a lotus pond at the outskirts of the temple grounds. I assume the lack of food vendors there accounted for the crowd control. :-)

Less than an hour passed before I was ready to head home for lunch. I thought I'd probably get a seat on the bus this time, since it was headed away from the temple and I was one of the first people at the bus stop. But when the bus came, the grannies mobbed it and squeezed on ahead of me two at a time. I found it so funny, I decided to forget nabbing a seat and just get a picture instead. While the field trip was fun and I'm glad for the experience, I think once every four years is enough. ;-)

헛되지 않은 삶

 “너무 심심하지 않아요?”라고 질문을 방학때 많이 들을 수 있다. 그런데 나는 언제나 이렇게 대답한다. “아니, 괜찮아요. 하루종일 공부해요.” 사실을 많이 과장하는 말이 아니다 (그렇지만 고백한 대로 페이스북과 스카잎에서도 시간이 많이 지나간다^.^). 다른 아기가 배우는 첫번째 단어는 보통 “엄마”인데 내가 배운 첫번째 단어는 바로 “책”이었다.ㅋㅋ 요즘 재미있게 공부하는 세 과제는 즉 한국어, 성경 말씀과 사회이다. 새벽기도 한 후에 한두 시간 또 자고, 다시 일어난다. 오전에 MBC뉴스 비디오 보고 비디오와 함께 나오는 한국어 자막을 보고 모르는 단어 약 50개를 사전에서 찾아본다. MBC 뉴스 통해 한국어도 배울 수 있고 한국 사회의 사건들도 알 수 있어서 좋다. 그다음에 문법 책과 듣기 책을 공부한다. 점심을 먹은 후에 커피 마시면서 한국 드라마를 본다. 영어 자막과 함께 나와서 너무 재미있다 (아마 드라마에 탐닉한가?^^;;). 그 뒤에 내션을 지오그래픽 잡지에서 한 기사를 읽고 영어 책도 읽는다. 저녁에는 한국 작가가 쓴 크리스천 시낭에 대한 책에서 몇 페이지를 느리게 읽고 밤에는 바로 잠을 자기 전에 생명의 삶으로 큐티하고 성경책에서 네 장을 서둘러서 읽고 기도하고 잔다.

아마도 이런 방학 생활은 어떤 사람에게 부지런한 유익한 삶과 같을 수 있다. 그러나 나는 “헛되고 헛되다. 모든 것이 헛되다”라는 전도서 1:2을 묵상하면서 나의 지금 살고 있는 생명의 방법을 의심한다. 헛되지 않은 삶을 살려면 어떻게 살아야 하지? 이제까지 나의 성격과 겁이 때문에 한국어를 공부하면서 책을 많~이 읽는데, 한국 사람들하고 너무 짧~게 말한다. 그러니까 한국어 지식은 많이 가진 편이지만 회화를 할때마다 말은 잘 안 나오는 것이다. 시낭의 삶도 이와 마찬가지인가. 한국어를 아무리 공부해도 다른 사람과 회화 통해 삶을 나눌 수 없으면 헛된 것과 같이 하나님의 말씀을 아무리 잘 알아도 하나님의 사랑을 나누지 않은 삶은 헛되다. 올해는 헛되지 않도록 모든 것을 하나님의 사랑으로 살기를 원합니다. 혹시 여러분 중에 누가 한영 회화를 연습해 보실래요?^^ 잘 못 하더라도 사랑으로 하면 헛되지 않을 것입니다.

This is my first blog post in Korean! After my pastor edited a few grammar mistakes, this article appeared in today's church bulletin. I originally wrote it in Korean but will translate it into English soon.

Looking Back, Looking Forward

It's been way too long since I posted on here. I had an overall nice December, and was so glad to Skype with many relatives around Christmas time. I spent a wonderful Christmas Eve with my Korean family, and between the Christmas carols and Grandma's ragrug cookies, it was in the top 5 best times of the year. Other highlights of 2011 were my family's visit to Korea, my visit home this summer, the arrival of my good friend Karen's first baby, and I guess I'll leave the fifth spot open for whatever I've forgotten that was really worth remembering (the Handel's "Messiah" concert?!).

This week I worked hard to finish my 12th book of the year, so it would average out to one a month. :-) I wanted to write a blurb about each, but now I'm out of time. I'll just mention briefly how they changed me, if they did. However, they're all worth reading, and the list includes:

           

Peace Child, by Don Richardson

•       Inspired me to study Korean with diligence and discipline (yeah, I didn't expect that either).

Jesus for President, by Shane Claiborne and Chris Haw

•       Got me so excited about theology and church history that I seriously looked into all three seminaries in Seoul that offer English-language programs.

Enrique's Journey, by Sonia Nazario
 Crazy Love, by Francis Chan
Forgotten God, by Francis Chan
Please Look After Mom, by Kyung-sook Shin
The 33 Laws of Stewardship, by Dave Sutherland and Kirk Nowery
Girl Soldier, by Faith McDonnell and Grace Akallo

•       Inspired a donation to the relief work that Samaritan's Purse is doing in Northern Uganda, and inspired me to watch the documentary "Invisible Children"

Living Water, by Brother Yun and Paul Hattaway

•       Made me hungry enough for communion and faith application to do something about it.

One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp

•       Opened my eyes to grace in undesirable situations, and when at first I couldn't see grace, it at least caused me to search.

And, drum roll please.....
멈출 수 없는 하늘의 열정, by 정진호

•       Helped me see the value of laying down your life to reach your students.

하늘의 언어, by 김우현

•       Inspired me to pray for the baptism of the Holy Spirit, and to long eagerly for the gift of tongues.

(I wanna double the Korean titles next year!)

Well, I have one hour left until the New Year's Eve service (yes, this is Korea, where every special day gets a church service in its honor). 2011 has been a hard year for many around the world, including my family and me, but tonight I want to remember Emmanuel--"God with us". May the hope born at Christmas encourage and strengthen us to walk boldly into 2012, trusting in Jesus for the uncertainties that lie ahead. Happy New Year!

Kimjang--Making Loads of Kimchi to Last all Year!

This past weekend, Sarangbang students, parents, community and church members got together to make kimchi! The event is known as kimjang (김장), and it happens once a year in the fall. Kimjang is done all over Korea, especially among older women, who make it for their children. Can you taste the kimchi in these pictures? ;-)

Garden-fresh Korean radishes

Preparing the cabbage (clockwise from upper left). It gets rinsed in salt water and then soaks in tubs of salt water overnight. The high school guys stir it around at 2 or 3am.



Red pepper paste (blend of red peppers, green onions, white onions, garlic, and some other stuff)



Applying the red pepper paste to the cabbage leaves. This part took a couple hours.

No doubt that man is inspecting my work. ;) First we were told to put just a LITTLE bit of paste on the leaves. I took it too far and kept getting told to add more. Someday I'll get it just right.

I can't imagine my grandma ever squatting like this to work.

Radishes + red pepper paste = Radish Kimchi!

Sopping up the extra paste with discarded cabbage leaves.

Bagging it for storage

Looks yummy!

Squeezing all the air out of the bags, any way we could.

Traditional kimjang lunch: boiled pork chunks, cabbage leaves, and slimy oysters. Not my favorite!

I hope this comes out in the wash!