Finding Grace and Freedom through Confession

One book I've been getting a lot out of lately is Walking with God, by John Eldredge. I guess you could say I've become pretty skeptical or cynical of "Christian living" books and, maybe out of pride, I didn't expect to get much out of this one. But, oh, how I am learning and being led by the Holy Spirit through it. Eldredge gives a lot of practical tips and personal examples of how we can commune intimately with God in the day to day, and also warns of how the enemy tries to block us from hearing God. This led to some soul-searching and the discovery of some subtle "agreements" I've made with the enemy's lies, agreements that affect the way I approach life and may hinder my ability to hear God's voice. It seems like every other page I'm highlighting something powerfully relevant to my spiritual and practical life. And I'm sure it was the Holy Spirit nudging me through this book that led to my encounter with God today.

I would be lying by omission if I didn't at least mention the extraodinary way God ministered to me this afternoon. After a few years of being in bondage to the "fear of man" over an addiction I've wrestled with, having confessed to God many times but never to another person, God's been laying it on my heart that I need to confess to another person. Last Friday, my friend Dawn, a spirit-filled believer who walks with God in grace and truth, came over for dinner and spent the night. We stayed up till 1:30am, listening to a sermon and discussing it. I felt God pressing me to talk to her, but I just couldn't. My mind was still in conflict much of Saturday. Wasn't it enough to confess to God? Why did I need to tell a person, too? Would God really ask me to do that? Sunday morning on the way to church, as I was riding up the escalator in the subway station, I felt God telling me, Your deliverance will be in your confession. I felt a little distracted and phony in the church service, and after lunch Dawn and I decided to go to a coffeeshop together instead of attending the weekly sermon discussion. The plan was for me to read some books and Dawn to work on her computer, but as the Lord planned it, the coffeeshop was full, so we got our drinks to-go and sat in the park on the finest spring day you can imagine. We chatted for about an hour before Dawn popped the question: Has God been saying anything to you lately? The dreaded moment of opportunity was cracked wide open, and all I could do was wring my hands and say, "Oh, Dawn..." God had clearly orchestrated our unlikely conversation in the park, and this was the time. But where to start? How to say it? And then I told her. I told her how Satan had got a foothold in my life by haunting me with the fear of my sin being found out. I told her how I'd thought of a few friends I'd be willing to share with, but that what I wanted most was to talk to someone who would speak Grace and Truth over me. It was hard and awkward, but it was one of the best moments of my life. Dawn listened just as I hoped she would, registering no shock nor downplaying my sin with well-intentioned excuses designed to comfort me. No, even better. Just as I hoped, she told me who I am in Christ. She told me what Christ did for me. She told me how God sees me. She told me I am not my sin. I am not my flesh. I am not a failure, even when I fail. She told me that God chooses to forget my sin, and she chooses to forget it, too. (It's a lie from the enemy that we can at best forgive but not forget; through the Holy Spirit, we can forget, too!) She told me that God loves me, and she loves me too. And when she embraced me, it was the Body of Christ embracing me. She told me the gospel, indeed the good news (!) of grace. And as she spoke Truth over me, I wept. Right there in the park, with kids riding bikes and jumping rope and parents resting on park benches next to us, I wept until my eyelashes were caked in makeup. How simple it was, and how light my heart felt. I could almost see God smiling at me, patting me on the back and saying, There, that wasn't so bad, was it? We bowed our heads and Dawn prayed for me, and when we stood to go, she said her heart was lighter too, for God had used what she'd learned through her trials to minister to me in mine.

And I hope you'll be comforted, also, because the Word Dawn spoke to me is healing for your soul, too. When you accept Jesus Christ as your Savior, you agree by faith that His blood cleanses you from all sin. He is your righteousness. There is no striving. God came for the sinner. God came for you. God loves sinners. God loves you. And He offers you a new life hidden in Christ.

To sum up a few things I've learned through my encounter with God and His Grace today:

1) A godly friend is invaluable. When you need counsel, seek out a friend who will speak God's Word to you. No human words, no matter how well-intentioned, can compare. (Proverbs 12:26)

2) Don't give the devil a foothold, and don't let him isolate you from other believers. Fear is from the enemy; don't let him manipulate or cripple you with it. (Ephesians 4:26, 1 John 4:17-19)

3) When the Body of Christ is submitted to its Head, it ministers beautifully and powerfully the grace and love of Christ. Give God a chance to love you and lead you into deeper grace through the Body of Christ.

4) God will not force us to do anything; He gives us free will. But paradoxically, when we do what we think is best for us, resisting God's will, we only prolong our suffering. Better to submit to God's will early on.

Seeing Well, Fellowshiping Well

I've been without Facebook for five days now, and I guess I'm getting used to it. The first day I must've checked my phone 50 times for Facebook updates, only to realize again and again that I don't even have the app on my phone anymore. Old habits die hard. Anyway, the break's been good so far. I use email, Skype, and Kakao to communicate with friends and family, and my mind feels less cluttered now that I'm not seeing my every acquaintance's day-to-day life on my newsfeed. The only suffocating feeling I've had so far is from not being able to share pictures from my own day-to-day life. I hope I'll grow more content with that over time. For now, I'll share a few pictures here. :-)

But before I do, I imagine there are some of you who may have lost sleep worrying about my new glasses that were causing me to stumble and have poor depth perception. Well, you can stop your fretting. After two days had passed and my depth perception hadn't improved, I realized I had no choice but to get a professional eye exam (mostly because I couldn't risk hiking until the problem was resolved). So I prayed for God to reveal the mystery of my true prescription to an optometrist and to provide a cheap solution. Guess what the optometrist discovered? The prescription was indeed correct and unchanged from 5 years ago. BUT, the lenses were in backwards! I paid $7 for the eye exam and got the lenses put back in correctly (for free, of course!) at the glasses shop. Now I can see perfectly, and I'm so thankful for clear vision and a simple solution!

This week, I've been enjoying two new books I got in the mail. The first is Bomb, a very well-researched, well-written, true account of "the race to build--and steal--the world's most dangerous weapon" (aka the atomic bomb). It's written for young adults, but it's the perfect level for me. I guess that makes me young, although a guy at church said today that I look more like mid-30s than late 20s. Ha! The other book I've been reading is DK's Japanese Phrase Book. I can't wait to try out some of the expressions on my host family when I go to Hiroshima over spring break.

It's kind of funny, the more I read, the more I want to read. Likewise, the more I hike, the more I want to hike. (I wonder if healthy food could grow on me the same way?) Anyway, one of my goals for this year is to go hiking once a month. Afraid I'd get too busy to go this month, I squeezed in a hike on March 1st. But this afternoon, I was already antsy to go again. My friend Juhee, along with a man who has recently starting attending my church and is very eager to learn more about the Gospel, spontaneously decided to join me. I realized through today's hike how much I take Christian community and fellowship for granted. To me, today was just a normal day. But to my "seeking" friend, it meant the world. I wonder how many people are so parched for fellowship. And I'm reminded of the cost, for it really requires laying down your life--your ambition, self-centeredness, self-glory, free time, money, etc.--to participate in that fellowship and extend it to others. I was struck by my new friend's reflection on the day. Not only was it a so-called special event in his life, but what impressed him most were the simplest acts of caring and sharing together: offering to take the back instead of the lead, encouraging each other up the mountain, chatting over a coffee break, taking pictures. God used the smallest acts of love and inclusion to glorify the Body of Christ. It made me realize that God is using me even when I'm completely unaware of my value or influence. Even when I'm just taking pictures!

 

View from Yongmasan in Seoul

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." -John 13:35

40 Days Facebook-Free

Hi there,

Thanks for stopping by. As you've probably seen on your newsfeed, I'm going "cold turkey" with my facebook habit, de-activating my account until Easter Sunday. Since my sophomore year of college, when I first got a facebook account, I've never been without it for more than a week at a time. I'm honestly curious about how the human psyche can survive without it. ;-) So this is a bit of an experiment, one many people do at this time of year, but the first time for me.

I wonder...

How will I keep in touch with people? Will they remember I exist?

Will I go crazy without a place to share my two cents day and night?

Can I survive without a steady stream of affirmation and attention and 'likes'?

How will I share my life with people far away?

Does posting pictures legitimize an experience for me? or do I find satisfaction in the experience itself?

How will I fill time on the subway? in ten-minute breaks between classes?

What will I do first thing in the morning? last thing before bed?


Without facebook, I'll have a lot more time to read and think and, hopefully, more valuable reflections to share. I expect I'll find God satisfying me and teaching me new and wonderful things about my identity in Him and the sufficiency of His Grace.

I won't be posting links to new blog updates on facebook, because I'm really kinda curious -- what will happen in the absence of self-promotion? So if ever you get  curious, you can stop by this site directly to see if I've posted anything.

And please, dear reader, if I go a week without posting, send someone over to make sure I'm alive and well. After all, if I'm unsure I can mentally handle 40 days without facebook, I'm even more dubious my body can survive that long without McDonald's. ;-)

But now I'm rambling...

Good night, and prayers for a meaningful Lent.

Sarah